Sister Ramona Murphy and Andrea Murphy

Interviewed by Sister Lilly Boyd

PARENT: Sister Ramona Murphy, Lucas Temple

 

Q: Can you give a few suggestions on how to raise children the biblical way?
A: I would suggest that we teach them by example. It is not always possible because we all have our own journeys. I would also recommend that we read the bible to our children and take them to the Bible classes. We should also have a Q & A (question and answer) session with our children because many times our children have a lot of questions that may go along with the way we live and about things they may see. I want my children to know that I expect them have high-standards for themselves.

 

Q: Are there any methods you received from others in the church that have worked with raising your children? 

A: Are there any methods that were flawed? Some methods I received from others that worked would be that we should keep our children close to the word and to keep them close to what is going on in the church, i.e. the bible classes and church activities. I did not necessarily receive anything flawed because some things were done in trial and error, and you just really have to know your child. For example, someone may have said something that worked for their child but did not work for my child, but the method was not necessarily something flawed; it just did not work for that child.

 

Q: What teaching methods (tactics/strategies) have you used to help guide your children to Christ?

A: I have learned that you must engage in recreation and occupy time with the child to get them into a comfort zone (not necessarily becoming their best friend) but in a zone that will allow them to express themselves to you. You want them to be comfortable enough to come to you or to someone spiritually trustworthy that is around you. In that setting, they may be more willing to talk to you and explained their situation, problems or concerns to you. You want to be close to your child so that they are able to talk to you about the spiritual and natural things.

 

Q: Can you provide ways to help strengthen the relationship between a parent and their children?

A: I would suggest having prayer with the child and spending one-on-one time with the child.

 

Q: What can parents do to help their children reach their highest potential?

A: You can help a child reach their highest potential by being involved in their lives especially at a young age.  For example, if they are involved in school activities or after school programs, we should be in involved in what they are doing. We also should really listen to our child. Sometimes we as parents can be a little overbearing when our children do not do exactly what we say do, but we can be there to guide them.

 

Q: Do you feel you were too strict or too lenient or well balanced as a parent? Is being too strict the cause of rebellious children?

A: I myself was strict, but then I was lenient at times. There is a time and place for everything but because children do not necessary know some of the evils or troubles before them, it is the parent duty and responsibility to watch and guide the child. So as far as a child being rebellious, every child is different. Rebellious is just what it is. It may just develop in a child. Sometimes if a child gets too much pressure, they can not take it. That’s why you have to just know that child because some may require a lot of attention while others may need more pressure.

 

Q: So are you saying that you believe that a parent should learn how much a child can take and with that knowledge they would know which child to be stricter or more lenient towards?

A: Again, some children just need a lot of attention. Rebellious is just what it is… it really may just be that child’s journey. 

 

Q: How did you help your children deal with peer pressure?

A: I would go over the course of the day with them when they came home from school by asking them, “How was your day?” If there were any problems that involved from their friends or while in school, we would discuss those issues and talk about them. If they said something that needed to be corrected, then we would work on that, and if there was something that was hurtful, we may have to cry about it little bit, but then we would trust in God and understand that this was for our good and that he will make us strong if we just hold on.

 

Q: How did you teach your children about discipline?

A: How did you discipline your children when they were disobedient or unruly? I am firm believer that you have to take measures of not sparing the rod if the child extends their bounds beyond the boundaries you have set for them.  I do believe in the rod as well as disciplining a child verbally and showing them a better way to do things. Sometimes the child will not know some things. So I would explain to them a better way of doing something and the results of that. They need to know that there are consequences for being disobedient and good results for being obedient.

 

Q: Were there any parents in the Church that you observed and admired as you were raising your children? What did you observed? What did you admire?

A: I admire Deacon Boyd and Mother C. Boyd. They stressed the importance of the children getting an education and how it was valuable and would be valuable to them. We would often talk about that, as well as the discipline part. I admired the way they disciplined their children.  

 

Q: Do your children appreciate you more, now that they are older?

A: It would depend on who ask. Some may agree that they appreciate me more now and others may not agree. Those that agree would say Mom did the best she could do. I want my children to be good citizens and upright people, and most importantly God fearing people.

 

Q: Do you believe the “church community” plays an important role with raising our children?

A: I absolutely do believe the church plays an important role with raising our children. We should be watchers one-for-another. If there is something that I am not doing right, then there should be another Mother, Deacon, Brother or Sister who should let me know and who could help with the children. The church community is very vital and that is what I teach my children. I stress to them that they should not be so closed minded and understand the importance of the “church community.” I want them to understand our “church community” is not solely one church, but that it is a global embodiment of members who should love one another and look out for one another.  

 

Q: What age would you consider the most difficult when raising children?

A: I would consider the teenage years as the most difficult when raising children. Children start to develop independence and start to explore their options.  During those years, there are a lot of chemical make up in their bodies that are taking place. There are a lot of emotions and a lot of changes and development.

 

Q: Is there anything you would have done differently with raising your children?

A: At this time, I would have to say no.

 

Sister Murphy’s ending statement
Overall, spending time, i.e. quality and recreational time with your children is very important. The recreational time will help them to understand that this way can still be an enjoyable way and it is not so plain and boring. Be excited about what they are doing both naturally and spiritually.  

 

 

CHILD: Andrea Murphy, Lucas Temple

 

Q: Do you know of any methods that can help strengthen the relationship between children and their parents?

A: I definitely believe that parents should take the time to listen to their kids as a way to help strengthen their relationship. I realize that parents know what is best for their children sometimes and that they may have been through similar experiences, but sometimes they should just sit down and listen to their children especially as they get older because they tend to keep to themselves. I really believe listening will strengthen relationships.

 

Q: What teaching methods (tactics/strategies) did your parent use on you to guide you to Christ?

A: My parents help guide me by taking the time to talk to me about church, and sitting down with me and my siblings after church services to ask us what we’ve learn or what questions we had. If we did not understand something, they encouraged us to ask or talk with the pastor. They also went over scriptures with me and my siblings, encouraging us to learn and recite those scriptures. They really just made us comfortable about church. Even as I grow older, I felt comfortable about going to church based on how my parents made us feel comfortable with church when we were younger.

 

Q: What did you admire the most about your parent(s)?

A: I really admire my mother’s strength. She has been through a lot especially after college. With so many children, she deserves to be admired for her strength and courage. She currently has a degree, but she went back to school to further her education while she was pregnant. She wanted to learn and expand her career. She did not want to settle for less, and I admire her for that.

 

Q: Are there any methods you know of that were provided to your parents that worked?

A: Are there any methods that were flawed? Each child is different. Some things may work on one child while it may not work on the other child. For example, when I was 13 or 14, I believe my parents allowed my brother and me to make our own decisions on some stuff. However, on another child after us, they weren’t allowed to because it did not work. A parent should just be patient and try to recognize their child’s personality before using certain methods on them.

 

Q: Were your parents lenient, strict, over protective, or well-balanced as you were growing up?

A: Did it change as you got older? In my eyes, when I was younger, my parents were very strict. Some things I was just not allowed to do, for example, I was not allowed to walk around the neighborhood like the other kids. My parents’ guidance growing up allowed me to make good decisions when I entered high school. They reminded me that consequences existed for each decision I made. I would say they became less strict with me at the age of 16.

 

Q: Do you believe the reason some children become rebellious is because their parents were too strict?

A: Even though my parents were strict, I had friends who parents were stricter. Some of my friends’ parents did not allow them out the house and as a result when they got older it was almost like they rebelled. For example, when some of them went off the college and got that little bit of freedom that they did not get from their parents, it was like total rebel.  They just took advantage of the little freedom they received and made some bad decisions.

 

Q: Do you appreciate your parents more, now that you are older?

A: I definitely appreciate them more now. Some of the tactics they’ve used or some of the things I was not allowed to do, I am glad that I did not experience them because it kept me and allowed me to stay close to the church. I can appreciate them more now also because I understand why they did some of the things they did. My parents would always talk with me. Even though I thought they were being just strict, now that I am older, I appreciate the decisions they made for me.

 

Q: How important was it for your parents to trust you?

A: It was very important for my parents to trust me. Now that I am older my parents allow me to make more decisions, such as going out with friends. This was a big step for me considering they were so strict when I was younger. For them to trust me and to know that I will take care of myself and make the right choices were very important to me.

 

Q: How important is it for parents to talk to their children about sex, drugs, or violence?

A: I think it is very critical for parents to talk about these things because parents are the first teachers. A parent should definitely instruct their children. We as children should have trust in their parent, and should express (talk to them) to our parents how we feel especially when the hormones kick in…we should really let our parents know how they feel.  We should seek out and communicate with our parents about drugs and sex. Let them know about the decisions we are considering or have already made. Communication on this topic is very critical and very important.