PARENT: Sister Vevelyn Turner, Augusta / Burke County

by Sister Tina Walker

 

Q: Can you give a few suggestions for how to raise children the biblical way? 
A: One way is to be in a church that teaches you how to raise them according to the scriptures.  You have to start with them at a very early age.  Like the bible says, “For the younger women to marry, bear children and guide the house.”  We must do just that.  Sacrifices for our children have to be made.  When we decide to marry and bear children, then we need to be prepared to stay at home and raise them, and not let the Daycare do it for us.  Children are not babies for long, so we should sacrifice our time to give them the motherly love that they need and deserve.  No one is going to give the child the love that you should be giving them as a mother.  You learn children when you are around them all the time.  Two or three hours a day is not enough time to spend with a child as a mother.  Other people shouldn’t spend the majority of your child’s time with them than you.

 

Q: Are there any methods that you received from others in the church, that have worked with raising your children?  Are there any methods that were flawed?
A: Yes, for one, I was told to put cereal in infants’ bottles so they won’t cry as much.  They cry so often because they are hungry.  Although the doctors don’t agree with it, I found it to work with all of my children.  I can’t think of any methods that were flawed.

 

Q: What teaching method (Tactics, strategies) have you used to help guide your children to Christ?
A:  We were examples to them.  If there’s a pattern for kids to go by, then not only hearing they can live for Christ, but seeing someone living it makes it easier.  We had them to church every Sunday and on time for bible class, which helps a lot.

 

Q: Can you provide ways to help strengthen the relationship between parents and children? 
A:Communication is one of the best ways that I found to strengthen our relationship with our children.  We listen to them on what they have to say whether they are right or wrong.  Everyone is right in his own sight.  You then have to explain to them that they only see a small portion of the picture, but we’re looking at the finished portrait.  Explain to them what you see and although they may not agree with you, they will understand.

 

Q: What can parents do to get children to perform to their highest potential?
A: Parents should encourage them to focus on their strengths and not their weakness.  Let them know that whatever they set their mind to do; with God all things are possible.  Rely on God for everything.

 

Q:Were you a strict, over protective or well balanced parent? 
A: I think that I was sort of strict.

Q: Do you think parents that are strict cause children to become rebellious?
A: No, I think that sometimes children will rebel because of who they associate themselves with.  You can’t let your child associate with everybody.  Whatever reasons a child finds to rebel would not be because the parent is strict.  If a parent is strict with a child from an early age, they’ll be too scared to rebel.

 

Q: What do you think is too strict?
A: Not letting a child have a chance to explain to his or her side and thinking that we (the parents) are always right.  We as parents could sometime act too hastily and then regret the decision we made which we thought was right, but it was not right.

 

Q: How did you help your children deal with peer pressure?
A: We explained to them that we are responsible for them.  Other children don’t have parents like our children have, therefore they don’t care what their kids do, but we care for them and if they did something wrong, they had to answer to their father, who didn’t play with them when it came to disciplining them.

 

Q: How did you teach discipline?  How did you discipline disobedient or unruly children?  
A: We let them know at an early age what is expected of them.  We took them to church and let Bishop Lawson teach them how they should behave as children in the gospel.  Once he put it out there, we made sure that they followed it to the best of our ability.  We didn’t spare the rod.  Sometimes we made them go to bed early, or deny them the privilege of going somewhere.

 

Q:Were there parents that you observed or admired while raising your children?  A:Yes, my mom.

 

Q:What did you observe and admire.  
A:I observe how my mom made us clean up and not sleep late. She said that sleeping late causes a person to be lazy, and she was not going to let us grow up being lazy and nasty.  I admired her for sticking with my father and being a pattern for us to pattern our lives after.

 

Q:Do your children appreciate you now that they are older?
A: Most definitely

 

Q: Do you think the “church community” plays an important role with raising children? 
A:Yes, they are the ones that you can trust if you need someone to baby-sit your children.  Their children are the ones you would want your children to play with.

 

Q:What age would you say is the most challenging age for parents and children?
A:  I believe it is the teenage years.  That’s when you discover their different personalities.

 

 

Child: Sister Natalie Turner, Augusta / Burke County

 

Q: Do you know of any methods that can help strengthen the relationship between children and their parents?
A: The methods my family uses to strengthen the relationship between children and parents are communication.  That’s the most important factor and is key  to understanding each other. The parents have to be willing to listen to their kids and their kids need to listen to the parents. They both need to reach an understanding within the relationship.

Q: What teaching methods (tactics, strategies) did your parents use to guide you to Christ?
A: Being a preacher’s kid, my father, (The Late Elder Turner) used to bring the bible in all situations my siblings and I faced growing up. We were always at church on time if possible. We were taught to pay attention, read, and follow along in our own bible for ourselves and not just listen to what the man of God says. We started off young, so now it’s instilled in us to do such things.

 

Q: What did you admire most about your parent(s)?
A: I admire my mother for being such a wonderful wife to my father and mother to me and my siblings. She is a wonderful example in my life and that’s why I try to pattern myself after her. I admired my father for his wisdom and knowledge of the bible, and his firmness he had on his kids. By just saying no to a lot of things we wanted and places we wanted to go, he has kept us from many dangers and many bad situations we could have gotten into. I am proud to call them my parents and wouldn’t trade them for anything. I thank God for holy parents.

 

Q: Are there any methods that you know of, that were provided to your parents that worked?
A: My father taught me that different situations always have a bible answer. Everything I faced whether good or bad, prayer and the bible always led me the right way and helped me make the right choice.

 

Q: Are there any methods you feel were flawed?
A: None of the methods given to me by my parents were flawed, but I went contrary to what they said and that’s where I messed up. I wanted to do things my way, but my way wasn’t always the best way.

 

Q: Were your parent lenient, strict, over protective or well-balanced as you were growing up.
A: I never viewed my mother as strict, but my father was the one my mother led us to for different things we wanted to do or places we wanted to go. I always thought my father was very strict and over protective of me out of all my siblings. He would let the older two go, but never me. He used excuses like “because I was the baby girl” or “because I said so”. I never understood him or why he treated me the way he did, but now I realize it was love and he was protecting me from a lot of things I could have gotten into and it was for my good.

 

Q: Did it change as you got older?
A: My father died when I was 17 years old. My mother, being the head of the household, was never as strict as my father, but still didn’t allow certain things. I feel as I got older, she began to trust me more, but I know what’s right and wrong because I was taught better. Plus my father’s words still ring clear in my head so I know not to push certain issues.

Q: Do you believe that the reason some children are rebellious is because their parents were too strict?
A: No, I believe the children are rebellious because the parents weren’t strict enough when they were younger and didn’t explain to them the reason why they couldn’t do certain things. My parents were very strict, but they started off when we were very young and I turned out pretty good. When you’re in the church, kids would want to do certain things that are against the truth which they feel like they should be able to do. When the parents go against it, the children believe they’re being too strict and want to rebel, but the parents are really bringing them up the right way.

 

Q: How do you think a parent should respond to a child that is clearly rebelling?
A: It depends on the age that the child is. If they’re older, it may be too late to discipline them so they have to find ways to deal with what they’re rebelling against. It may be the parent’s fault because they didn’t start chastising them when they were younger.

 

Q: Do you appreciate your parents more, now that you are older? Why or why not?
A: I do appreciate my parents more now that I’m older. I didn’t understand why they did certain things and discipline us the way they did, but now that I’m older, I can clearly see that it was out of love and they were protecting us from bad situations that we didn’t realize we could have gotten into.

 

Q: How important was it for you to talk to your parents?
A: It was important to get advice, even though it may not have been the advice we wanted to hear. They have been through more and possibly the same situations we have, so they have more knowledge and wisdom than we do and we can always learn from them.

 

Q: Could you talk to them about things that were going on in your life?
A: I believe I could, but I like to handle certain situations myself. If I felt like I needed my mother or her advice, I know she’ll be there for me.

 

Q: Were they good communicators and listeners?
A: When I was younger, I felt like my father wasn’t a good listener or communicator so I always went to my mother. I wanted my father to listen to me and allow me to do what I wanted and not what he wanted me to do. Now that I’m older and wiser, yes, I do understand the reasons he answered his questions the way he did and said the things he said. My mother is a great listener and communicator to me now that she’s my only parent and she’s doing a great job.

 

Q: How important was it for your parents to trust you?
A: I felt my father didn’t trust me because of his strictness, but he just knew his own daughter and what I was capable of doing. I believe he felt that way because he thought the seeds he’d sowed in his younger days would be reaped in me. He didn’t live to see the age where parents should be more lenient and trust their kids more so I don’t know how the trust issue would work now. My mother trusts me enough to do what’s right and I believe that’s a blessing. I’m not a bad or rebellious daughter, so I trust her to trust me in knowing she has nothing to worry about.

 

Q: How important is it for parents to talk about sex, drugs, and violence?
A: As I stated before, parents should know their kids and what they’re capable of doing. When a parent feels their child may be headed in the wrong direction, that’s when they need to start talking to them. My siblings and I were blessed to have the holy parents that we do, but there wasn’t a huge NEED to have those talks. Once it was said or talked about, they had nothing to worry about. My father had a certain demeanor in him that we feared so we were too scared to go contrary for fear of what our punishment may be. None of these things I’m proud to say we have to worry about simply because we know better.

 

Q: What is the difference between a friend and a parent? Can a parent(s) be both?
A: A friend is someone you can relate to, talk to, and be there for you. A parent is someone who takes care of you, nurtures you, and raises you until you’re capable of doing so yourself. No, a parent cannot and should not be both. There is a fine line between friendship and parenting. If you try to befriend a child, they may take advantage of you and manipulate you into doing things they want. A parent has to stand up and be a parent. A friend can be on the same level as you, but a parent has to be on a higher level so you would respect them more as a parent than a friend and you would receive better advice than if they were trying to look at a situation on your level.