Mother and Daughter Interview
PARENT: Mother Lilly Stafford (Barnesville/Henderson Temple Member)
Interviewed by Sister Lilly Boyd
Q: Can you give a few suggestions for how to raise children the biblical way?
A: First, a parent must seek the Lord. You must make sure you are saved because your children are going to watch you. This is something you must practice all the time. A parent should be demonstrating that they are saved not only in church but also outside of the church.
Q: Are there any methods you received from others in the church that have worked with raising your children?
A: I gathered and used some discipline techniques from other Mothers in the church to raise my children.
Q: Were any methods that were flawed?
A: Yes, because my home was different from other homes so I had to work with my family and children the way I thought would be best for me. I felt as though my children were very special individuals.
Q: What teaching methods (tactics/strategies) have you used to help guide your children to Christ?
A: I relied strictly on God’s word. I would hear the word from the pulpit and gather scriptures from reading the bible. I used this to help guide my children. God spoke to my heart a lot of times while raising my children.
Q: Can you provide ways to help strengthen the relationship between a parent and their children?
A: Yes, listen to them, and spend time with them, i.e. sitting down and watching a program with them. Even though we have busy schedules, take time with your children. I have nine children, and I found it very important to spend time with each child. Each child is an individual. For example, at one particular time, I had a child I could tell wanted to talk to me, but I had something else going on and never got the opportunity to talk with that child. Later that child had made a big decision without my guidance. If I had taken the time to talk to that child, things could have went differently but by God being so good, things ended up working out. It is worth taking time to talk to your children.
Q: What can parents do to help their children reach their highest potential?
A: Parent can be honest with their children, and parents can teach their children the power of prayer. When you tell your children that they should be praying, first you have to make sure they understand the power of prayer. Once they understand the power of prayer, then they will begin to pray and then forgive others. They will begin to see how God answers prayers and they will begin to remember the prayers God answered for them. God honors a righteous and pure heart.
Q: Do you feel you were too strict or too lenient or well balanced as a parent?
A: I feel was strict. I wish I was more strict, but my heart was always open. I do not believe I was too lenient. I learned that I had to keep a “stand”. God grace and mercy brought my children through.
Q: Is being too strict the cause of rebellious children?
A: Sometimes yes. Sometimes parents can be too strict but I do not feel strictness cause my children to rebel. Some children rebel due to the society we live in and others because of peer pressure. After rebellion, this is how some children come to the Lord. Some have to grow to the knowledge of the Lord.
Q: How did you teach your children about discipline? How did you discipline your children when they were disobedient or unruly?
A: I did not spare the rod when they were disobedient and unruly, but I also talked to them. I heard Bishop Lucas say that it was hard to raise children with two parents, let along one parent, so strive to keep a two parent home. A father has power when it comes to disciplining his children. A lot of power lies in his voice and the authority God has given him.
Q: Were there any parents in the Church that you observed and admired as you were raising your children?
A: I admired Mother Shaw as a mother and wife because she loved the Lord and her husband. She tried so hard to please the Lord while raising her children. I also admired Elder Robinson Jr. and his wife.
Q: What did you observed? What did you admire?
A: I appreciate how they would share words of wisdom with me about raising children. I learn that your children may stray, but eventually they will come back, and children are not born saints.
Q: Do your children appreciate you more, now that they are older?
A: Yes, I believe my children appreciate me more now.
Q: Do you believe the “church community” plays an important role with raising our children?
A: Definitely, children need the church community, and they need to know God’s plan. Children need to understand that they must honor and respect our Mothers, Sisters, and Brothers at church.
Q: What age would you consider the most difficult when raising children?
A: The teenage years are the most difficult. Ages 13 to 17 years old can be very difficult. During this time, they need to be loved and they need people to listen to them.
CHILD: Sister Tonya Taylor (Barnesville/Henderson Temple Member)
Q: Do you know of any methods that can help strengthen the relationship between children and their parents?
A: I do not know of any exact method. I do know that parents should model and be an example to their children. Children’s first “teachers” are their parents.
Q: What teaching methods (tactics/strategies) did your parent use on you to guide you to Christ?
A: As I mentioned above, being an example. My parents did not take us to church. We went as a family. I have parents that are “examples” that helped guide me to Christ.
Q: What did you admire the most about your parent(s)?
A: I admire mostly their dedication to Christ and church. They are both wonderful people who dedicated their life to God and left their families behind.
Q: Are there any methods you know of that were provided to your parents that worked? Are there any methods that were flawed?
A: I don’t think there are any specific methods to parenting. All parents and children are different. My parents were taught by God fearing leaders who provided them with biblical teaching. I believe that by living a God- fearing life encouraged me to do the same. I was taught to say yes ma’m and no ma’m and no sir and yes sir. We were taught to respect our elders and be respectable. These methods and strategies were really important to me. In addition, I would encourage parents to emphasize correct etiquette with both males and females. It would really be appreciated as a child becomes older.
Q: Were your parents lenient, strict, over protective, or well-balanced as you were growing up? Did it changed as you got older?
A: As a female, I felt that my parents were stricter on my sisters than on my brothers. My parents were over protective. It changed as I became older - as I became more responsible. As an adult, I feel blessed because I did not experience what a lot of other females did with parents who were more lenient.
Q: Do you believe the reason some children become rebellious is because their parents were too strict? A: Not really. Children all have different personalities. I was the child who wanted to please and obey my parents. Some children rebel because of several reasons. Whether parents are strict or not, I believe that some will rebel. Children learn as they become older. Their thinking changes as they age. I do believe that parents can become too strict, though. Children need to be able to make some decisions in life especially as they become older and more responsible.
Q: Do you appreciate your parents more, now that you are older?
A: Yes, I appreciate my parents more now that I’m older. I appreciated them when I was younger also. When you become a parent, I believe you appreciate your parents more. Experience is the best teacher.
Q: How important was it to talk to your parents?
A: It was important to talk to my parents. I believe all children prefer talking to one parent over the next though.
Q: How important was it for your parents to trust you?
A: It was very important for my parents to trust me. I found out early on that even though they were strict, I had more opportunities and could do and go more places when they trusted me.
Q: How important is it for parents to talk to their children about sex, drugs, or violence?
A: I believe that it is extremely important for parents to talk to their children about these issues. Society and their peers will talk to them about these issues if parents do not. I believe parents should share their history if it involved these issues and provide information to children. Some children may listen more from an outside organization about these issues.